Long Time

Howdy!
It's been awhile since I've posted anything but I've been very busy trying to jump start my life again. As of September, I'll be unemployed. Imagine that. Cisco laid me off 4 months after I announced that I'm transgendered. Hmmm....I wonder why that is?

Well, anyway, I'm going to get some job training so that I can safely transition to male, like real estate appraising and inspecting. Those are mostly male type jobs, so I should be okay. In the background I'll pick up contract technical writing to pay the bills.

It's been hard to readjust after working at Cisco for 9 years. They've hired an Indian contractor, who is physically located in India to replace me and who has no technical writing skills whatsoever. I know this because I interviewed the woman. What a slap in the face to all of us Americans who are out of work. I think that is so unethical for a company to abuse third-world people in that way and to put us out of work when there are 6.5 million Americans out of work already. Obama, where are you???

I'm beginning to look more male. More hair everywhere except the face. I suppose that's next. My voice is definitely deeper now too. It's kind of exciting to watch these changes. I guess I can start taking photos now.

More later...
Alex

Discovery

I think I've nailed down why I was feeling blue the other day! It seems that no one who I talk to about being transgendered (those who are not transgendered), don't get it. Some try to understand but don't. They think I'm lesbian. Even if I tell them over and over again that I'm not gay, it just doesn't sink in. It's a bummer.

Of course, it'll be moot when I actually look like a man because no one will know that I was ever a woman. I won't be telling anyone new about it unless I become romantically involved. Then I'll have to tell the woman. But, anyone else - they don't need to know. It's safer that way. No need to engage in some fruitless conversation about gender identity and sexual attraction. The two are very different!

I've only had one person say to me "so you're straight" when I first told her. She got it! I present as a woman right now so I kind of understand the confusion but my so called friends still see me as a lesbian and address me in that fashion. Don't misunderstand me, there's nothing wrong at all with being lesbian. I posed as one for 25 years and had 3 lovers (albeit they were bi), but I only did so because I desparately needed to feel okay about myself and fit in somewhere. That didn't work sadly because I'm transgendered.

I used to worry about losing my old friends but now I'm realizing that it's too much work to keep people in my life who don't understand or who I have to explain this transgendered issue over and over. It's very stressful changing my body to match my soul as is much less having to deal with stupid, uncaring, and unloving people who just mock me anyway.

I feel much better realizing this so I can move on. My body is changing, but very slowly. I think that's a good thing so that I have time to adjust to the new look. I like what I see so far (fat redistribution and some hair realignment on my forehead, and my voice is deepening) and I'm looking forward to the rest of the changes. I know now it will take a while for everything to change but that's okay!

Have a fun 4th of July!
Alex